Long live automation

I love machines, really do...you could easily say I adore them. Especially the newer machines and household appliances. They are so polite, so cordial, it is refreshing. For instance, a couple of days ago we had to park in a totally automated parking garage. At first we were greeted by a red and white pole that immediately went up without even having to ask. Next up, a shiny metallic cylinder wished us a very good day and politely asked us to take our parking ticket, after which an almost erotic “have a nice day” sent us on our way. Of course, we returned the courtesy with a “thank you very much”... after all, I did raise my children well (and you never know if there actually is a midget in there pushing your parking ticket through the slot!!). Upon our departure, we found that some human vandalist had ruined the payment machine that, as I recollect, was once just as friendly. We had to go to a human window to pay where my card was torn out of my hands and change was almost thrown at me. No “thank yous,” no “have a nice days,” just a rude mumbling that no living person could understand due to an enormous moustache with sandwich left-overs dangling in it. Thanks man, that 'll get up my appetite.
Another example is my four month old washing machine. It is of a beautiful white and silver shiny metal alloy. The surface as smooth as silk to touch. Once you turn my machine on it begins with a very comforting and cheerful opening melody, a cross between Mozart and Satie. Then, all kinds of little lights start twinkling, green and orange, like a tastefully decorated Christmas tree. Ah, you can imagine doing my laundry has become a joy. Once my washing is done, my machine beckons me back into the bathroom with another beautiful melody, many times I have actually thanked her for the joy she brings while she silently closed her lights. So, that got me thinking.

If we can make our appliances this polite and friendly, then lets make a couple more! How about a coffee machine that greets you with good morning, what will it be today: capuccino, espresso or an old fashioned filter?” And when your coffee is done, says something like “have a nice day at work'.” Wouldn't that be just great? Or a frying pan that calls you into the kitchen with “Baby, your fries are hot hot hot!” Or a dishwasher that blurts out an enthusiastic “Give it to me now, come on, give me those dirty plates,” or an airconditioner that, when temperatures go out of control, whispers “Dear one, time to cool off.”

Now that would be the life, wouldn’t it? I am secretly hoping all young inventors now have some new ideas to dedicate their lives to. In the meantime, since we will have to do without this kind of politeness for the next few years, we humans could try to be a bit more polite to each other...well anyway, that's what I think.